a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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