if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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