i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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