I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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