HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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