My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
