I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
