how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
