someone get that fucking seahorse.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
