I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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