If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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