I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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