i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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