It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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