Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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