ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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