Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
