i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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