I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
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Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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