you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
