Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
