I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
