dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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