After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
