i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My ass is underappreciated
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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