I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You made out with two different species that night
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
