Betty ford says i'm here all night
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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