They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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