my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
