thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
