so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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