Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
