I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
