If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We have started to decorate penises.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
