Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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