I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
