he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
