YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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