Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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