Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
