dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
