so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
