girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
