Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize