I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
