omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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