I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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