She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
