what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
