I wish I could teleport
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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