Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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