U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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