Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
