i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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