She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
