I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
