i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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