I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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