I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
