After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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