He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
