so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
