could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
