ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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