it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
