I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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