Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I had to cum in my sink.
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