Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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