I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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