i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
