Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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