can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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