pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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