So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
