that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
