Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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