Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
