Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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