his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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