Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You've changed since you got that strap on
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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