I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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