Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
