I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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