your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
