i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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