I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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