You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
