Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
