woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize