The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
why do cheetos always look like penises
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
