You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
