let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
