I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We left an ass print on the piano.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
