We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
