i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I currently don't understand fingers.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
