She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Pooping to opera.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
