My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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